A COUPLE are obliged to invite people they do not like to their wedding simply because they have previously watched them get married.
DID you used to get blitzed on drugs at festivals, but now take your kids to the ones with craft tents and puppet shows?
PRINCE Harry has defended a 360-degree spinning sex swing installed in his royal residence by saying it actually dates back to the 1930s.
A TOTAL ars*hole couple demand that everyone remove their shoes before entering their home.
MEDIA commentators are claiming my family life, in which I have a decades-long track record of badly screwing everything up and walking away unconcerned, is somehow relevant to my political ambitions.
A MAN refuses to read any novels written by women for fear of gaining such a keen insight into the opposite gender that he becomes one.
A DUCK that is only eating sourdough bread has turned into a right bellend, it has been confirmed.
WALKING in the same direction as someone after you have already said goodbye is the most stressful experience you can possibly have, experts have confirmed.
BORIS Johnson has promised a crackdown on grasses, rats and f*cking busybodies who stick their noses where they do not belong.
A RURAL pub has doubled its wine list by adding a second option.
1. BORIS Johnson is an untrustworthy bag of guts who feels, whereas this is a chihuahua called Ian who would not break up the UK or shout at his girlfriend.
A LIFT engineer has confirmed that the ‘close doors’ button does absolutely f*ck all.
A COUPLE who tried to make a 'fast, easy mid-week supper recipe' from the Guardian recipe are still cooking it almost eight days later.
A 36 YEAR-old man who used a generous dose of washing up liquid in his dishwasher has vowed to carry on looking after himself.
HEAVY metal. We all love it but only the brave few would lay their lives on the line for it. Are you one of them?
A WOMAN woman is still using two separate products to clean and condition her hair like some kind of arsehole, it has emerged.
SINGER-songwriter Ed Sheeran has already ruined music, Game of Thrones and ketchup but cannot decide what to wreck next.
A GROUP of ex-colleagues has met up to compare notes about the dire fates they hope have befallen the worst people from their old company.
THE Conservative MP accused of assaulting a Greenpeace protester has apologised to fellow dinner guests for not using lethal force.
ADORABLE babies wake up screaming far more frequently and loudly than their uglier peers, researchers have found.